Saturday, September 20, 2008

FW:FW: Please don’t delete this…

[I got this as a forwarded mail, just pasting it here for your reference]

Tina, a commerce student at Christ College Bangalore received this photo few years’ back with a forwarded mail. The content was this person is no ordinary man and is the most talented and upcoming writer in English, his blog will make works of Shakespeare and William wordsmith void, and so you have to visit his blog 100 times a day and forward it to 1000 people via mail, take an enlarged color print and put in your room.

The content of this mail is no different.

Later Tina fell in love with this smart boy, took life size color printout (1:10 scale) and put in her bedroom also distributed in her hostel, and forwarded it to many through mail. She was university rank holder that year, placed in an MNC with a starting salary of 6Lakh/annum. Tina dream Tomkid as her soul mate.

But all other useless girls in the hostel refused to put his photo on wall, rather kept under their pillow and sighed looking at it whenever they were alone in the room at night. Every single one of them had arrears that year and was not qualified to next year. Later they realized their mistake and followed Tina’s policy. All of them were university rank holders in the following year!!!

A civil engineer in Angola got this mail, told this is all fraud and put it in spam. That evening, while returning home his brand new Honda Civic ran into 18 wheel truck and was completely damaged. He did not even get the insurance amount. He was seriously injured, 27 stitches on head, both hands and legs had multiple fractures, his back bone was “Z” shaped and doctors told it would take minimum of 9 years to sit and 81 years to walk. He is 48 now.

A project lead in an IT industry only used to check mails, forward mails, again check mails, again forward mails and spent rest of day in cafeteria forwarded this mail to all in his address book. He read all blogs of Tomkid and praised him through comments. His project manager SHIFT+DEL ted this mail. After the appraisal that year project lead got double promotion and that worthless project manager is reporting to him now. He also bought Toyota corolla where PM is still going to office in Kawasaki Bajaj (Kick start - 95 model)

Another college girl in Bombay got this as a forwarded mail and treasured this, forwarded it to many of her friends with much enthusiasm. Before even completing her college she won Miss World Pageant. She is still infatuated with Tomkid and keeps a beautiful color photo in her hand bag. Her name is Priyanka Chopra.

Another youngster from Kerala received this mail and was completely impressed with Tomkid, took as many prints as he can and forwarded to most people. Weeks later he got Job in Arab, started blogging and his blogs even released as a book, “KoPu”. He did, because he believed in it.

Another fast bowler in Indian cricket team got this mail and envied on Tomkid’s elegance. He felt why such a great cricket player like him should focus on such ridiculous things and deleted from his inbox. The next day he got slapped on face by another player and was sobbing in front of thousands at stadium, only because he ignored this mail.

A small scale vegetable merchant in rural areas of Jamaica heard about the might of Tomkid from BBC. He sensed the value and put a large sized photo in bedroom of his two daughters. Next day morning all his vegetables in his warehouse turned gold. He is now the second largest gold merchant in Arab. That father had presented actual sized wax statue (Made in London) of Tomkid to his beautiful daughters and is the dream boy of two. “Kutty’s Fans Club” (KFC, but many still believe it as Kentucky Fried Chicken – how stupid!!!) is the fastest growing brand there.

There were similar experiences from western countries like US, Europe, Ethiopia, Utopia and Slovakia. There are rumors that 47 year old Barack Obama is publicizing Tomkid for winning next Presidential election. Bill Gates keeps a photo of Tomkid on his office table. This photo is the desktop wallpaper in Drew Barrymore’s laptop.

What’s more, Microsoft and Google is watching this mail chain and
If you forward it to 10 People, you will get nothing
If you forward it to 100 People, you will get a T-Shirt with Google logo on it
If you forward it to 1,000 People, you will get a T-Shirt with Google and Microsoft logo on it
If you forward it to 10,000 People, Microsoft or Google will hand over a check worth 100,000USD
If you forward it to 100,000 People, you will get a chance to dine with Tomkid!!!

So guys and girls, if you receive this mail today you are the next fortunate one. Take a print of his photo and paste in your room. Make his blog as your home page, visit it 100 times a day, put comments, forward it, admire him (girls can love) and be blessed. Remember luck favors the prepared. Do not hesitate and never be late. Now it’s your turn to define your destiny. Be serious in life, do something worth. I bet you will win for sure!!!
[This post originated from Berly Thomas]

Saturday, September 13, 2008

NEC’ians Diary - Part Two: Damara Damara Damm

[This is in continuation with Part One.]

Seniors in many technical institutes are privileged to drive their juniors’ nuts, may be to prove their might or to tame juniors to survive among the fittest. In NEC it was called “ROPE IN”. After all pain is the best teacher.

Time now at campus is around 6 PM, all parents left, shadows got longer, sunlight turned golden, two leaves on the pathway flipped up on a cool breeze. Another normal evening, calm before a storm.

All of a sudden there was a thundering roar from third floor and one guy kicked opens the door of A8 screaming:

“All first years come out fast, get ready in formals…” at a highest pitch one can have.

“Why scream? All we need to do is get ready in formals…that’s it…but why are they acting mad?”

“Hey you…Do you understand English? I am asking you to...” the man at the door to me.

“Yes..I..I am getting ready”

“Listen everybody… all of you must be there in front of hostel in another five minutes completely dressed in formals…Do you understand that?” to everyone in the room. A8 was my rope in room.

“I understand you &%#?@… get lost now”

“It would at least take a minimum of fifteen minutes to be in formals. But why are they in a hurry?” But certain doubts are better not asked. Surprisingly all were queued up in the order of their height just in five minutes. Here again I am the last one.

Here stands a senior hardly of my shoulder height scanning the entire 6’2”.

Me dressed in cream checked shirt, dark grey cotton pant, polished black leather shoes on white socks, neatly oiled and combed hair, clean shave; a bug free dressing and appearance on first shot.(Tom Cruise Look?) But this guy had a shirt seems to be made of banner, a trouser with innumerable side pockets, strings hanging all around, his hairs seemed that he had no bath during past week.

This guy had finally managed to find something missing in me. There was no pen in my pocket. An engineering student without a pen is almost handicapped, more or less like computer without a keyboard, mobile without a SIM or a physician without a stethoscope.

He had another reason to keep shouting at me and a smile. Why are these buggers keep getting on my nerve? Neither me nor my family had done no harm to him!!! I was asked run and to get a pen at once. Found a pencil with a steel cap in the room and kept in my pocket thinking he could be duped. He did promptly found it was a pencil and sent me a glare, took it out of my pocket and put into his. Another ten minutes on that and pencil was gone.

“What is my name?”

“What??!!....”For the first time in my life I heard somebody asking for his own name. Am I finally into a lunatic asylum? This is ridiculous.

“What is my name daa?” shouting at me again. I looked deeply into his face trying to find some similarity between celebrities, politicians and sports personalities, and none matched. The only similarity was to a monkey, his face had close resemblance to a monkey’s. May be he is the living proof that man evolved from monkey. Finally I had to answer “I don’t know…”

“Go find out, fast” everything they told ended with words “quick or fast” and I don’t know why.

Are these guys insane? Can somebody ever forget his own name and ask someone else to find it for him? Worst part is that how do you get the name of an unknown fellow. He keeps moving around and there is no way to point this guy. Finally I wrote his name 500 times only because I did not knew his name in advance.

I totally lost hope of revolting back when saw lady warden standing in the middle of basketball court giving guidance with a pessimist attitude to torture juniors. Oh god, it’s all pre planned to discipline the new joined. Now there is no escape, to survive “Be Smart, Act Dumb”. When the life gets tougher, the tough gets going and I should never surrender.

Every body in the queue was undergoing the same treatment. The seniors were terribly tensed and entire scene sounded a storm of rain on wood and metal roofs as around 45 of seniors developed such a high blood pressure on silly things. Thank god their nerves didn’t blast.

They had also managed to get all kind of trash to well treat their juniors; which included worn out slippers, torn clothes, thrown away footballs, basket balls, drum, broken utensils, cracked cricket stumps etc. All were ornamented with such items on formal dressing.

I was crowned with a broken football bladder and had a large broken drum. I bowed towards him, not because of respect; but he could hardly reach my head. He took two steps back smiled at me.

You pigheaded fellow…if only I kicked your butt you would fly over campus and land only in ITI compound” thought to my self. I should suppress such feeling within and do not show it on face. When you are in deep shit keep your mouth shut.

The first guy in the queue had a lengthy tree branch holding it to the chest as in Olympics, rest in queue were equally good but in different attire and everyone has to shout

“damaara damaara damm”
“damaara damaara damm”
“damaara damaara damm”
…dancing in a wild rhythm on the side parapet of pathway till canteen. It sucked.

This would have been ultimate entertainment for seniors and they would have been in cloud nine watching a bunch of idiots performing fun art for them. If only these people knew that a man’s might is on how good he treats his juniors to his subordinates.

Everyone had to take an oath that they shall never waste a single piece of rice, a single drop of sambar or rasam and shall eat whatever served in canteen with utmost deference. At the entrance third year girls applied butter milk on forehead as Hindu priests put bhasma, a vegetable piece from sambar as vermilion and served handful of rice as godly gift. This was disgusting.

Everyone marched back in same style and rhythm to auditorium for self introduction after dinner. All new joined had to get on stage and introduce them to rest of the seniors and perform an item. I had to tell my name, native, educational background. I was asked to sing a nursery rhyme, probably because there is a “kutty” in my name. Sang ‘twinkle twinkle little star” and my part was done.

Few of best scenes on first day:

Scene 1:
One senior threatened a boy in queue:
“Is this the way to be formal?”
Though he was in complete formal he still had a doubt on himself “is this formals?” He did not wait to clarify his doubts, ran to hostel changed to shorts and banyan.
Ran back to previous position and answered “I am ready in formals sir”
God only knows how that senior controlled his laughter.

Scene 2:
“What’s your hobby?” to a friend of mine with muscles all over the body.
“Body building” he thought this would impress some girls.
“OK, start now take 100 push ups, non-stop”
The whole body built so far was trembling and somebody has to support him to get off the stage. Even Arnold Schwarzenegger would sweat out to carry out the exercise of a week at a single shot.

Scene 3:
Another girl on stage was asked to do catwalk. She kept wondering what are these people asking.
“Do catwalk right now” yelled a senior.
The very next moment she lied down with hands on the floor whispering “meow…meow” from one end of stage to other. It was the sanctity of a village girl where FTV was not yet aired.

Scene 4:
(A boy on stage.)
“So how are you going to entertain us?”
“I…I don’t know”
“But you have to perform something”
He kept wondering.
“OK..Do you know to sing?”
“But I don’t know any songs”
“Do you know the national anthem? Sing that”
“I know national anthem, But only in Malayalam” there was a thunderous laughter from audience. His rational reasoning would be that he sees national anthem printed in Malayalam on the second page of all text books from his first standard.

The pain for the first day was about to get over by 10PM. Every one was asked to leave to their respective rooms. With a great relief everyone was about leave the auditorium.

Then some one inside ordered:

“Stop every one, get back to your previous position” Now what?

(This may be continued…)
Following is the notorious gang who tortured us and are absconding from Sept -2000. Madiwala police is in search of them dead or alive!!!
Abdul Khadar Jilana Sathar Betta Baththar Koya Akthar
Adolf Hitler
Annie Rose Rosario
Aswin Malhothra
Harris Williamate
Kaasko Yesko Dengko
Keerthi vishva
Kevin Arnold
Mc LeCroy
Mukul Anand
Nikhitha Panchal (i?)
Param Numeric
Rahaana Parveen Rumo
Rakesh Rathod
Rino Malvino
Shreyansh Patil
Thushar Driskol
Vishnu Singhal
I am (so is rest of my batch) thankful to 98’ers for a well orchestrated rope in; may be the last one of its kind in NEC. This made NEC life remarkable!!!

Well, at least there is something to look back and laugh. :)